Grief: What about our family and friends (5)


 Grief: What about our family and friends (5)

Most of the letters and the people I have talked to have said that they had no clue what they would have done without the people around them that they cared about.  (Not every one feels this way though if they have people that try to get them to do what they want instead of what they need to do). When we have people around that encourage and lift us up…and pray for us we are able to heal a lot sooner.  For most people it is because of their family and friends that they can hold things together. 

Many family and friends are a real help.  They will do whatever they can to ease your pain.  Some are just there so it looks good, others are there and have no idea what to say or do.  Most are loving people who truly care, but then there are those that just plain meddle.

When we are hurting through the pain of a loss it is a good thing when others want to help you.  Let them help with whatever you feel would help you most.  Even fixing you a cup of tea/coffee, or getting the mail, or doing the dishes, or cleaning.  Most people want to help but often times don’t know how. 

You can tell them ahead of time if you are having a good day or bad day, and if you want to talk or don’t feel you can.  Some days you just might feel like being alone and even yelling for no reason.  It is okay.  You might go a couple months doing okay and then something triggers your pain and you have a bad day.  It is okay.  There is nothing wrong with that.  If it gets to bad then I do recommend that you get a hold of someone who can help/counselor etc.  They are neutral and can help you deal with those triggers.

The guilt will come many times over.  Why didn’t I do such and such, why did I say such and such, why didn’t I say such and such.  We are human and we say and do things we wish we could take back but we can’t.  Feeling guilty is something most people go through when someone they love dies or the loss in some other way.  Maybe you had an argument before and there is no way you can ever say you are sorry.  There are so many things for which a person can feel guilty about… but will it ever help you? NO!

Most parents would most likely change places with their child if it is the child that dies or is injured. Why? Because we love our children. All the guilt we can put upon ourself won’t change anything.  We need to get to a place down the road where we can be logical when we consider this one.  Remember that for awhile you are not in a good state of mind to make logical and wise decisions. 

Anger: All of us who lose someone find some anger to lash out with.  We somehow have to blame even if there is no blame, but what if there is blame out there and someone did something really dumb that took the life of your loved one?  Most likely you will feel anger for a time.  There are times that we even get angry at our loved one for dying or leaving when they didn’t do anything.  The blame game is easy.  The wait and be wise game is not.  When we are angry at our loved one dying it can be because they are the bread winner and you are scared that you have no income to take care of your family. What will happen to you and them?  Sometimes people even get angry over very little things that you lose it over when they really don’t amount to much.  It is because you hurt and it is time to work on you.

Others might not be able to understand why you lash out especially after they were trying to help.  Remember they have feelings also.  Best thing to do is just be truthful.  Tell them right now you are having a really hard time and you are angry.  Not at them but you are not dealing well. Ask them to keep you in prayer.  Also never forget to get medical help and spiritual help.  Death is tough and we all need help.  It is not a sign of weakness to get help.  It is more a sign of weakness not to.

I will be sharing many ways in which you can get help in the future.  For right now I hope that the things I am talking about help you or someone you know. 

I am not a medical doctor.  I am a Christian Counselor, Rev, Chaplain, and I care.  I want to see you get help if you are hurting.  Don’t give up because we can make it through to victory over the pain. 


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