Grief: What is next (4)


 Grief: What is next? (4)

In the time of crisis when we seem to be the least ready to deal with things is when we must make the biggest choices.  Our life in turmoil, our feelings are out of our control, we are in pain lost in a world that we never wanted and people all around us want us to make tough choices.  Our minds are hardly working and thrown in upheaval.  Didn’t we just get hit with some type of loss or death in our life and we are to make wise decisions right now. Yes! But it sure is not always easy. 

We also have to take care of our self and our family. Really? Take care of our self and others at a time we just want to pull the covers over our head and get some sleep so that when we wake up this was just a dream.  Well it is not a dream and now comes the point some people call “fight or flight”. With whom?

Well let us discuss fight or flight.  All throughout history when people were in danger or their life was going to have a major change that was not what they wanted this feeling came up to protect them.  When loss came to them these feelings emerged and it was to protect them.  Today, in our society, we live differently to some point that people of old do but yet our minds still have this emotion.  

People used to bond for protection  to help keep each other safe from the enemy. Today, we pretty much bond with family and when that family member (remember a loss can be anything we lose) dies or leaves us our brains kick into this mode to protect us.  We don’t want the pain and emotions of such.  When our love ones die we are thrown out of kilter and can fear for our own survival.  After all how can we go on without the one we love (Spouse, children, parents, others)?  Doesn’t everyone see the pain in our soul? 

We sense many dangers even when they did because what is going to happen to us or our family? How will we care for ourselves? What about the money and how will we pay our bills.  Maybe the person who died had horrendous hospital bills and you don’t have the money to pay it let alone a funeral and care for you family now. If it was your child that died, let’s say, and it was from an accident or instant things maybe you don’t have those hospital bills but how can you go to work right now? You can’t even function for yourself yet work.  There are thousands of things that can cross your mind and at some point we all deal with them.  If you go back to work what them? The questions? The stares? The talk? How can you deal with that?

Well our bodies fear the unknown as much as they fear danger staring them in the face.  Our body goes into protect mode because our life is feeling threatened.  Maybe not by the enemy but because things in our life are different and we don’t know what is going to happen to us. The loss of a loved one is overwhelming and although we want to fight or flight…we really can’t run from this so we have emotions and feelings that we push down either further into our body and our body can suffer.  This, to me, was stress overwhelming.  Maybe it is different for some, but stress is real and it can go on and on until we find a way to deal with it.  Some people deal sooner and some take a long time.  It is not that one person is stronger or maybe didn’t feel love so it is easier.  People are different!!! Always remember that.  No one can compare our feelings at a loss to their feelings at a loss even if they were the same person they lost.

Stress can make you sick. It can take over your life and make you say and do things that you would never have done otherwise and many won’t understand.  Your body is dealing the only way, for now, that it knows how to deal.  Your immune system suffers when you are under stress so you can get sick if you don’t care for yourself.  We could go into all the reasons for this…but all I am going to say is stress can cause havoc on your own body.  You don’t want to get sick because that will only make matters worse, so you need to learn some resources to deal with your pain and loss.  I found for me that anxiety and depression were way worse.  My whole body was totally out of wack and I felt I was way out of control.

So…what to do.  Being a Christian the best thing is prayer.  But even that can seem hard when we are depressed, angry, upset, out of control and feeling lost.  Another is to find a Christian counselor to help you.  I am surely not putting down medical doctors as they are also very necessary and can deal in other ways to help you.  If you need them: use them!!!!!!!!!!!   God gave them to us as well.  But if you go to one that is not a Christian they might not feel the same way about bringing God into the equation for help.  They, however, are necessary in many cases and please use them if you are hurting and need the help.  A Christian counselor  can help with many issues but we don’t give drugs that for the time you might need.  Don’t consider them the enemy either.  They went to school to help medically, and I, and others, went to school to help spiritually.  Both are necessary.  Both can work together for your benefit. 

You might be one of us that can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t function correctly and believe me this is normal under the circumstances.  Our bodies are reacting to the pain and loss.  Our bodies feel like they are truly in a state of emergency but most of us can’t see the end of the tunnel and get stuck inside the tunnel somewhere for a time. 

As you go on your journey of grief remember to take time for your self.  That does not mean to forget your family…but take some time each day just for you to get you back to yourself.  Pray a lot, ask others to pray for you as well.  Drink lots of water, eat light foods, exercise if you can, read happy books or encouraging books (Bible is the greatest).  If you don’t feel like discussing your pain tell others, and if you do feel like it let them know you do because they try to avoid talking to you as well so they don’t make you unhappy.  You are worth fixing!!!  Your life is not over and in time you will find your way.  It can be very hard, at times, to feel normal again, but it will come.  One day you will wake up and find that your life has gone on, the sun comes up, the rain comes, the flowers bloom again, and that you can still love life.  

This series of grief will go on for a time.  I hope you come back.  I am not editing anything I write down and just letting it flow here.  I pray that what I write helps you and if it does that you will share it with others.  I get nothing out of helping you but to know you were helped.  There is no money ever involved.  God helped me freely and I want to help others the same way.  I leave no spot on my sight for anyone ever to give money.  If you ever feel the need to give to someone…find a godly organization to give to that helps others.     (MORE TO COME…TUNE BACK IN)

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