Characteristic of a Controlling Person
There are many people out there that want total control over other people, and they exert this in a number of ways. Many people resort to dangerous measures to control other people’s lives to make themselves feel better and to lord their control over people. Controlling others makes these people feel confident about their own lives. Controlling other people is also a way to avoid conflict. There are common behavioral signs among typical controlling people. These signs can range from subtle attitudes to significant displays of authority. Many controlling people also have jobs where they are over people so that when they come home each day they also want to control their family and all that they do. When family doesn’t want to go along with their ideas and demands they get really upset and use the blame game and they are sneaky, defensive, lie, and do whatever to get their own way.
Some people that is all they think about is how to get others to do everything they want. This is not a godly way. They are selfish and live in the I deserve mode.
- 1. Defensive
- Controlling individuals characteristically are nippy to defend themselves. They conceal their own potential weaknesses and will blame others for their own failures. They are unwilling to accept that they are wrong because they would lose the authority to solve a situation and to keep others under their control. They take credit for anything that goes well even if they didn’t have anything to do with it, while they blame others for all their own failures and deeds. They self-justify their own actions always looking for ways to make themselves look good. They also put their own families and others down by talking trash and making them look bad. They are defensive, rude, overbearing at times, and always think their way is better than what anyone else’s view might be.
- In asserting control, some people might start psychologically attacking another person emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically . This reduces the other person’s standing with others in their eyes, which effectively raises their own standing in their eyes. She/he amplifies small faults and inaccuracies in others by making a mountain out of a mole-hill while turning these to indefensible traits. In a relationship, she/he might decipher and interpret her/his partner’s economy to a complete lack of self-confidence and assertiveness. The goal of this action is to get people to agree with her/him no matter what, and they will twist all the good in a person to distrust in them so that they try to build up themselves. They do not play fair, are not godly, play games to get what they want and always think their way is the right way and they are superior to anyone else. They talk trash about others and even their own family.
- Controlling individuals usually want to direct the majority of another person’s decisions. They want what they say to be done by others and think and believe that they are right and everyone else is wrong. If they have a position outside the home where they are over people then they also believe that they can control others at home and make all the choices for them. They also believe what they earned is theirs and that they can control the money and everything that goes on in a home. They want to be the one who decides where they go, what they do, where they eat, who does what and this is comparatively common in relationships where one partner attempts to completely represent the couple and family on their terms and their terms only. She/he might discharge her/his partner’s suggestions without just cause and enforce her/his decision regardless. In extreme cases, she/he may display authoritarian qualities by controlling every minor aspect of his partner’s life. She/he might command what her/his partner should buy, what shoes to wear and how his partner should behave in public, what they can and cannot do during any given day and when the partner or other family don’t do it their way they lash out in any number of ways to keep control over the other person/s.
- A relatively indirect approach to controlling is to psychologically and emotionally manipulate people. These individuals may appear to be open-minded and timid but use tactics such as inciting guilt, meekness and helplessness to get what they want. These take advantage of another person’s good nature and conscience. This usually evolves to more active forms of controlling; she/he would take previous instances where the other person agreed to her/his demands and use these as precedence for making future decisions. She/he may justify spending excessively in a store using a previous instance where the other person allowed it.
One main warning sign of a controlling relationship is not feeling safe or good about yourself around the controlling partner. They want you to feel guilty and that they are the one in command and that whatever they say is right and whatever you say is wrong. You do not need to feel guilty any longer. Take your problems to God and stop allowing others to control you. God will help you through anything. This does not mean that it will be easy for a time, but when you begin to stand up for yourself and the rest of your family and let the controlling person know they are not your bossâ¦you will eventually find some peace in your life.