Why did this happen to me?

Why did this happen to me?

Why?  That is the question that everyone who has survived adult sexual assault and rape asks at some time.  But first we need to know what rape/sexual assault really is. 

Rape is sex you don’t agree to, including forcing a body part or an object into your vagina, rectum (bottom), or mouth. In the United States, 1 in 6 women reported experiencing rape or attempted rape at some time in their lives.

Sexual assault or abuse is any type of sexual activity that a person does not agree to, including:

  • Rape or attempted rape
  • Touching your body or making you touch someone else’s
  • Incest or sexual contact with a child
  • Someone watching or photographing you in sexual situations
  • Someone exposing his or her body to you

Sometimes, sexual violence is committed by a stranger. Most often, though, it is committed by someone you know, including a date or an intimate partner like a husband, ex-husband, or boyfriend. Sexual violence is always wrong, and a person who is sexually abused does not ever “cause” the attack.

Keep in mind that there are times when a person is not able to agree to sex, such as if they are drunk or have been drugged with a date rape drug, or if they are underage.

Women who are sexually abused may suffer serious health problems, such as sexually transmitted infections, stomach problems, and ongoing pain. They also are at risk for emotional problems, like depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder. If you or someone you know has been sexually abused, it is important to get help as soon as possible.

If or when any sexual assault takes place to you you’ll need to seek medical assistance.  Don’t go hide taking a bath to wash yourself.  Go and seek medical help.  Report what happened so that it is on the record because absolutely no one has the right to sexually assault or rape you…NEVER! If you have been assaulted you absolutely deserve the right to be respected.  No one and that means no one has the right to blame you for the assault.

Whenever someone is sexually assaulted they have a lot of feelings/emotions running through them.  They feel shock and when they feel this they can go from feeling totally calm to crying and yelling hysterically.  There is no right way to feel when you have been violated. Those feelings/emotions can change by the moment because feelings/emotions change all the time. 

You might feel angry and this is a natural reaction to being sexually assaulted.  What you do with that anger is important. Anger can be a good thing if it is handled correctly.  Go through the legal process and fight the person legally.  Don’t hide in a corner ever thinking that maybe you did something to cause this.  No one has the right to sexually assault you/rape you…EVER!  Even if you were lying on a beach stark naked with the finest body in the world…NO ONE EVER HAS THE RIGHT TO ASSAULT YOU.

Fear is one of the biggest things that come with an assault.  Especially if/when the person states that if you tell anything they will come back and harm you or those you love.  Even if they didn’t say that the fear is there that they might return.  You may find that wherever it happened you will have triggers that bring on a panic or anxiety attack because of the fear you feel from things like smells, places, certain people, races etc.  This happens to many people. 

Assault/rape is very humiliating.  People have any number of feelings after this happens.  They often feel dirty and want to take baths after baths to wash away the scum on them, they feel degraded and helpless.  Listen: no matter what happened to you it is not you that is scum…it is the person/s that did it to you that are scum.  Nothing that person did to you or your loved ones make you dirty.  There also is no right or wrong way to survive an assault, whatever way you survived this experience was right for you at the time because you survived.  We all think that if we had done this or that it would not have happened to us.  NO ONE EVER HAS THE RIGHT TO ASSAULT YOU! 

Guilt is a biggie for most people.  They are ashamed of what happened and many feel others will think less of them or that somehow they caused this.  NOTHING GIVES ANYONE THE RIGHT TO ASSAULT YOU!  You have absolute right to your own body! 

No one deserves to be raped.  Nothing you did or wore gives anyone the right to do this to you ever.  The perpetrator is ALWAYS, AND I MEAN ALWAYS, RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS. 

If you have been sexually assaulted/raped you may have flashbacks, difficulty with physical contact, possibly you have lost confidence in yourself because right now you are not relating well with others, your self-esteem can be lost at the present time, you may not trust anyone, and you might have a horrible time with going to and staying in a peaceful sleep. 

Many who have been assaulted begin abusing alcohol, not eating or eating in binges, hurting themselves, cutting themselves off from others and so on.  Every person will react differently and feel many emotions when they have been assaulted.  People mean well many times and even give great advice but until you can feel again and get help you could be in the dumps for quite awhile. 

So what can you do?  There is help out there.  Seek out someone who deals with abuse/sexual assault victims.  Not everyone who counsels deals with this.  Take some self-defensive classes if at all possible.  Join survivors groups in your area.  You are not alone no matter how alone you might feel.  These groups are good for you as it gives you ways to express your anger.  Please don’t blame yourself as that gives your perpetrator great joy.  You stand up and fight back legally and get help.  Even if someone seems to get away with what they did know this: THEY WILL STAND BEFORE GOD AND GIVE AN ACCOUNT FOR THEIR ACTIONS AND GOD’S JUSTICE IS PERFECT.  You help you get better and do everything legally to prosecute them.  Don’t go to their level and act out of rage.  I know it is easier said than done but I know it can be done.  Love yourself and don’t stop loving others.  Many people might need you as bad as you need them.  Your loved ones and friends don’t want you to suffer.  Let them in your life so you have someone to talk to. 

Please, if anyone has sexually assaulted you in any way…please get help and never blame yourself because, again, NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO EVER SEXUALLY ASSAULT YOU!



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