Grief: The emotional Toil

Grief: The Emotional Toil

We all want to escape from the emotion toil of grief.  I have not encountered anyone who loves grief and wants to remain feeling bad.  Grief can overwhelm us yet, at times, give us peace because we don’t want to see those we loved who died suffer.

Grieving can be short or take its toll on us over a long period of time.  Grief can be an enormous sadness and that sadness causes us to express our sorrow in many ways.  To many the amount of grief one feels somehow means that you must loved them more than anyone else did.  But people grieve differently.  The way in which one grieves doesn’t really mean that one person’s grief is stronger than another.  What it does say is that you are feeling your emotions differently. 

Feeling can change in an instant.  We all have numerous feelings each and every day of our life.  Grief, however, is a way for us to cope with the loss of someone we cared for and then, at some point, we will begin the process of moving on.  That does not mean you don’t love them or remember them even daily, it just allows you the process of coping, and accepting what you can do nothing about. 

Now, if we don’t grieve, that can also be a problem for us.  For when we don’t allow our self to grieve we hold those feelings in and at some point in our life they will come out with a vengeance or they will keep us from having normal relationships with others.  When we grieve it is a way for us to handle our loss, but when repress our feelings it can lead to even more pain and suffering for us at a later date.

Oh, if only we could bypass all the grieve and just go on with life as if nothing happened.  But that just doesn’t happen.  When we care for someone and we lose them from whatever means we hurt inside at the loss of that person.  If we hold our feelings inside then what we do is allow even ore sadness in our soul that will build up over time.  It is like a dam that keeps filling up until the flood gates are open. If we are overloaded then at some point we will burst.  Really, it is better to let the grief out when it happens and for as long as need than to push the feelings down inside.

When we do repress our grief, for some, it is like we are somehow denying the loved ones death.  We then begin to let sadness that can overwhelm us at some point to keep getting pushed down inside and when that dam bursts it can truly be harder on you than if you just allowed the pain when it happens. 

There is nothing wrong with grieving someone you cared about.  There is nothing wrong with crying and being sad.  Grief allows you to let your pain out.  People used to tell their sons not to cry but I am telling boys and girls, men and women…it is okay to cry.  Crying lets out our built up pain.  Even Jesus wept. 

There is no set time to grieve.  Some people can deal with it right away and some just can’t seem to get over their grief.  It depends on the person and just because someone takes time doesn’t mean they are weak.  We just all grieve differently.  Grief allows us the opportunity to get our emotions out and to recuperate. No matter how long your grief takes you to get over when you get over it you can go on with your life.  That, again, doesn’t mean you ever forget the person…you just allow yourself the right to live again.  If you can’t get over it and you are getting depressed and can’t deal…then I do encourage you to seek out help.  That also doesn’t mean you are weak…it means you are strong and want to do something to help yourself. 

I am not a medical doctor.  I am a Christian counselor.  I don’t presume to tell anyone what medical help they might need to help them.  I do, however, encourage you to get help if you need it.  Grief is a normal part of living but when it totally overwhelms us then we need to get help.  There are great Christian counselors out there that can help you, and there is always praying to our Father in heaven who knows what we need and feel, but God also provided doctors to us if we need them.  Whatever it takes for you to go on with your life use the necessary means to get the help you need. 

At some point…you will go on.  You will allow yourself the process of letting go.  The person would not want you to suffer if they loved you.  They wouldn’t want you to live in pain and sorrow.  They would want you to go on.  Know this….that if you are a Christian then you know that you will see them again when it is your time to go.  Yes, death is tough.  No one escapes it.  We all, at some point, deal with our own grief over the loss of someone.  Grief is not just grieving people it can also be the grieving of anything we cared about or felt that was important to us.  Death, divorce, loss of friendship, even the loss of a loved pet can cause us grief.  What and how long we grieve is different for each.  So, I encourage you if you are having a difficult time to get some help.  We all need help at times.  Family and friends try to help and sometimes we might even wonder why or how they get on with their life and we can’t.  Just remember that we all grieve differently.  Just because someone seems to have gotten over their loss does not necessarily mean they have.  They might very well be one of those that are pushing their grief down for which a dam might burst someday.  You take care of you. If you take care of you then if they are not over their grief and that time comes that they need that shoulder to cry upon as well, you can be there for them as well.  Don’t judge another because they act the same as you.  We each need to grieve in our own way…just don’t get so down that you won’t go for help. 

God knows of your grief and how much pain you are in.  The thing we need to do most is communicate with God daily.  You might even be mad at Him because your loved one died…but know this…we live in a fallen world and grief is in the world.  That never means God doesn’t care.  He does care.  One day we will understand but while we live in a fallen world and until Jesus comes for His bride/the church we will have pain and sorrow at different times in our life.  Your grief might we turmoil right now, but joy can come back in the morning.  Trust God!  He can get you through your pain.

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